Stranger: My name? Oh it's Adeolu Michael, it's not a really impressionable name but that's the straw I got
Therapist: what makes you tick Mr.... Adeolu
Stranger: You can just call me Michael if you can't pronounce it, I just would rather not be called by the most common name ever. Oh, and kick the "Mr"
Therapist: Alright then, Michael, what's going on, what makes you move?
S: well, like everyone else, Music. But also love, I guess. Partly I feel like the one-word summary of my life is or at least should be love.
T: Love? What do you mean?
S: Well, I pride myself to be an observer of people, someone who sees people genuinely not just on the surface, and that, for me, comes out of knowing what it's like to be a ghost and not wanting the same for someone else.
I am one person that can handle the enormous pressure and loneliness of not being seen. So, I want to see people even if I myself am not seen.
T: Talk to me about being a ghost and what you mean by "being seen"
S: well to make it simple, I'm not the most impressionable person so I'm not easily remembered by most people. But I pay attention to people that interest me. In fact, recently, I've been paying attention to even people who don't.
Paying attention to people is what I mean by seeing them.
T: So why would a person that's strong enough to pay attention to other people need a therapist? Not many people are even this.... Articulate about their strengths and weaknesses
S: And that right there, is why I'm here. I am not strong in the slightest, but that's the impression I leave by being someone who is attentive to others while putting on a smile. But that's a mask. I AM, in fact, weak.
Too weak to leave an impression, too weak to talk like I'm confident, too weak to walk with swagger and power even though I want to, too weak to workout and make myself stronger, too weak to be disciplined. I am anything but the one thing I appear to be; strong.
T: Oh, this is getting Interesting, so you see yourself to be weak just because you don't talk as loudly as others? You see yourself to be weak just because you don't "brag different" like others? You see yourself as weak because you're as lazy as others?
That's an absurd judgement of yourself.
That's where your thoughts of suicide come from.
S: Don't you dare undermine my struggle! You don't know how I feel! You don't know what's like to be so unseen that your only way to get seen is to see people!!! If someone doesn't get close enough, they never get to know me or even have a single memory of me!
T: You're angry, but you need to shut the fuck up and calm the fuck down. I know EXACTLY how you feel.
I know what it's like to stroll in the evenings looking left and right hoping to get noticed. I know what it's like to get drained easily by being around people. I know what it's like to not be the most attractive guy everyone wants to talk to.
That is why I know that you're doing it wrong. You've simply already started the process of committing suicide.
S: How? I literally starting of jumping of Amphitheatre head first yesterday.
T: Actually, you've been killing yourself for a long time coming. Thoughts and Actions are a continuous cycle.
From the moment you decide to take on the confessional as the priest and not the sinner. You see, you gave up on making an impression. To you it seemed like you became level-headed and calm but you actually closed your mouth and became quiet. You dropped the mic, Michael.
From there you gave up on making new friends, especially female ones because you believed they all wanted money. A poor mindset is the beginning of suicide.
You see you stopped seeing life as something to enjoy once you climbed this path.
S: I- .... Wow.
T: I told you, I have been to that place. You see, Michael, you don't have to be a ghost, you just need to apply that very intelligent mind to find other ways to make an impression.
You believe in God right?
S: yes, I do.
T: Then stop worrying so much about money and just live your life. Didn't Solomon say it? "Nothing better for a man to do under the sun than to eat, drink and enjoy his toil for this too is from the Lord".
It's not going to be easy but if you can change how you think, you can change how you act.
For starters you can make a shirt that says "hug me"
S: You are right Mr... What's your name again?
T: Adeolu Michael is the name.
S: But that's my name.
T: I know, I'm the one in front of you, the version of you that you dream to be. I can become real but it's up to you, each moment you make the choice to not pay the compliment on your mind, to not affirm yourself, you're reducing the likelihood of seeing that tranquil view of the Maldives.
S: I can't believe this...
T: Either way, we both know what it is that you really need
S: ah~, そうだな(that's right), I really just needed a hug.
T: They need you yunno, Deola, Kimberly and the rest. They need you to get up.
S: Yeah... Let's go then, Forward.