An Essay On You
Yes, You, the awesome person reading this, whether you’re all the way in Australia in your Pyjamas dreading the sound of your alarm at 4:30 in the morning or you’re dressed in blue for work with your usual cup ramen dashing to the train station at 8:30 cuz you were up drinking late last night.
This is an anonymous letter from across the world not here to tell you but more to remind you, jog up your memory a bit to a time you knew, it really doesn’t matter if you grew up in the creeks of Nigeria eating one meal of white rice, stew and a single piece of meat with barely enough for sachet water or you grew up in the heat of war in Iran with all the friends you played with yesterday no longer being in this world today.
If you see this, you have life, and that may seem like a curse at the time but if you come across this, it isn’t a coincidence, it’s a message for you, you over there on the other side of the screen, you with the amazing smile even if you haven’t smiled in the last 5 years, even if your heart just got broken and even if your face mask is hiding that smile, this is a message for you with the beautiful scars, this is a personal message for someone like me.
Someone who struggles, Someone who sometimes makes mistakes they wish they could change, someone who makes the wrong decision more than half the time but made the right one to read this as much as I made the right one to write this, someone who’s had a hard time in the wilderness and has gotten used to seeing that dreaded landscape all by yourself, someone who feels left in the dark and someone whose shine has sent his friends away, someone who lives in a world that requires the balance of good and bad.
This is a personal message to the weak and the strong, the black and the white person, the rich person whose wealth makes her feel lonely and the not so rich person praying to God for a divine helper to feed his family.
All that is going on may have caused you to forget but deep down you know, you know what makes you special, mummy and daddy aren’t there to tell you anymore or perhaps the are there but just don’t or maybe they were never there so let me be your anonymous lover; The one who tells you that I love the occasional glow in your eyes when you do something you love, the one who tells you that I can see that split second of absolute delight on your face when you see food you love nicely served, the one that tells you how amazing you look when you laugh and how dare you look so beautiful when you cry as well as how vulnerable and harmless you are while you sleep.
I’m the lover across telling you that no matter what flaw you perceive yourself to have or how deeply flawed you are, scarred by your traumas and past experiences, you are not alone and u are worthy of love, the love I give to you by sitting here on Sunday, writing you this love letter, the love that’s making me ignore this back pain and the noise in the background to tell you that more than you think and more than you were told to think, you are special and you are farrrrr beyond enough, the love that gives me the audacity to tell you that you are absolutely not alone in your struggle.
You are not alone in your struggle of the fear of being killed or wondering who comes next.
You are not alone in your anxiety, You are not alone in your depression, you are not alone in your insecurity about the shape of your penis or the shape of your boobs , you are not alone in your insecurity about your kinks or your porn addiction, you aren’t alone in your gambling addiction or you drug addiction, you are not alone in widowhood, you aren’t alone as they make you think you are because you aren’t married at 45, you aren’t alone in you feeling of not belonging, you aren’t alone in being you and whether your story is a drama, thriller, crime movie, porn, telenovela or k-drama you are not alone in being you.
It may not seem true from the view of sitting in a bathtub, a glass of wine and “All alone with you” by EGOIST playing in the background.
It may not seem true from the top of the cliff overlooking the sea or from the back alley with the stench of violence and death but get up, Get back on your feet, I promise you that when you feel genuine connection, it is worth fighting for, it becomes worth the pain and tears and blood to be able to use your story to help someone, somewhere who is going through the same thing with no clue on what to do or where to go, so just hold on a little more, just a little more my friend, If you jump off that cliff there’s nothing else and you might feel like letting yourself hang does nothing to anyone else but there’s a world that would be so much better if you told us about that quirky and seemingly meaningless story that ended with you being scolded for something your sibling did, So don’t give up on me, I need you. don’t give up on us, we need you. Don’t give up on life, the world needs you and you know the best way to put yourself out there. Tell your story of weakness, of loneliness, of pain, of joy, of courage, of connection and I can promise you, we’ll be listening to You.